FOMO At Christmas Time? You’re Not Alone.

Illustration by the brilliant @karinbijlsma on Instagram.

As we’re now well and truly immersed in the month of December (hooray!) and the inner workings of our brains have been taken over by Mariah Carey lyrics and mince pie recipes, now seemed an appropriate time to stop and take stock for those of us who may be feeling a sense of inadequacy as the big day approaches. I think I speak for most of us when I say the New Year can be a difficult time for comparison, as social media highlight reels come out in full force to celebrate the highs of the past 365 days. But a time that’s not often addressed is that of the run up to Christmas itself. Because whilst you may have your usual festive traditions to look forward to, it’s so often not enough to fill the void that can come from feelings of loneliness at Christmas time.

The unbearable ache that can come from feeling like you’re missing out is one I’ve come to associate with fears I’ve had around growing older since the age of 18 (4 years ago now).  Perhaps it’s my prevalent use of social media that has made me hyper aware of the holidays, celebrations and highlights of others lives, or maybe even my perfectionist nature that just never stops searching for the best of the best- either way, I’ve battled comparison in my day-to-day for some time now. In this sense, FOMO isn’t all that bad. The aching and yearning for the fun that others always seem to be having has pushed me out of comfort zone more times than I can count, and on most of those occasions, I’ve been so grateful for the memories that I perhaps would have never sought out on my own accord. From festivals to long haul flights, nights out and last minute plans, FOMO has taught me a lot in the way of pushing myself. But despite that, I’m also the first to point out that sometimes however much you try to take matters into your own hands, it’s simply not always possible to change the script. Our experiences are dictated greatly by factors out of our control- whether that be finances, mental and physical health or simply the stage we’re currently at. It could be living with parents that stops you from hosting the Christmas shindig you desperately crave, working a zero hours contract that means you can never give a solid answer in making plans, or caring for a loved one that means you can never fully put yourself first, there’s so much that impacts our decisions outside of pushing yourself to ‘just go for it’.

“Christmas is such a wonderful time of year for bringing people together, but if your circle is small or you’re living apart from those you wish were near, it’s natural to crave a different experience for your December time.”

And whilst experience dictates much of this, social media is another unavoidable factor that’s added into this already challenging mix too. Instagram is so often the main culprit in, as Christmas Stories galore take over and you berate yourself for not having more friends/being more outgoing/pushing yourself out of your comfort zone/all of the above. The combination of feeling like the festive season is passing you by, combined with the negative self talk and criticism above can often amount to an overwhelming sense of disappointment and sadness in yourself and your circumstances.

Why does The Holiday make it seem so easy to fall in love in the perfect winter romance?

And how many people are really rocking around the Christmas tree? Who has the space for that?!

And for those with an overactive worrying tendency, even the events you are invited to can still leave you feeling left out. Whether you’ve been made to feel embarrassed for not drinking (because how could you possibly enjoy Christmas without a Bailey’s in hand?!) or have arrived to what you thought was a casual dinner only to find everyone else in their best partywear, it’s safe to say that escaping the comparison whirring through your brain faster than the Malteser chocolates are demolished from the Celebrations tin is a challenge to say the least. Socialising can be hard for so many reasons, and sitting on the sidelines of a dinner party or not feeling brave enough to take the mic in a Christmas karaoke event can leave you exhausted before the 25th has even rolled around. Whilst it’s near impossible to control your immediate responses to situations that leave you anxious, I have truly found comfort and happier memories in challenging the mentality that leaves me so unhappy. Whether it takes a glass of prosecco before you head to your 7pm dinner, or an hour of dancing in your underwear to your ‘feel good’ playlist, mentally preparing yourself for a time that you know will be challenging is one of the most effective ways I’ve found to control scenarios that used to consume me.

Whilst it seems that everyone is having the best of times, everyone will experience FOMO to some degree in the festive season. Whether you’re a freelancer with no Christmas party to or live too far away from friends for an annual Secret Santa, there can be so many reasons as to why December brings most of us a longing for more. And it’s okay to admit that! You can feel grateful for the loved ones you’re surrounded by whilst also wanting more for yourself. You’re allowed to feel twinges of jealousy at the tinsel decked dinner parties, wreath making classes and Christmas markets you’re not a part of. Christmas is such a wonderful time of year for bringing people together, but if your circle is small or you’re living apart from those you wish were near, it’s natural to crave a different experience for your December time. 

December has the potential to be a magical time, no matter your plans, and we hope this reminder has come at a good time to soothe the worries or anxious jealousy that can come from forever chasing more. Reach out to those you love and fill your time as much as you can. Organise your friends diaries and set about making the plans you’ve yearned for previously. Circumstance dictates much of our experience, but there’s a lot that can be said for FOMO in giving us the friendly push to do more- whatever that may mean for you.

Wishing you the most Merry Christmas!