Thirty, Flirty and Maybe Thriving? Why Life Definitely Doesn’t End at 29
Self reflection, falling short of society’s markers for success aged 29 and knowing you’re smashing it anyway …
Words: Siobhan Maguire
“I turn 30 in a few weeks.
It’s something I think about most days and has been since I turned 29. In fact, I’ve been so fixated on the big 3 0, that I’ve barely actually felt 29 mentally. It’s an odd concept – age IS just a number and 30 is not ‘old’ or scary, nor should it be something that’s filling up my brain, especially after the last year and a half we have all experienced, so why can’t I stop it?
Since I reached the age of 29 last October, the pressures of my pending 30s hit me like a ton of bricks. All of a sudden thoughts of house purchases, engagements, marriage and babies took over, and I was riddled with overwhelming feelings of comparison, feelings of not being enough, feelings of failure and under-achievement, feelings of regret, all mixed in with reminiscence of my early 20s and the more ‘fun’ me who existed then. Instantly, conversations around me became about mortgages, pensions, and life insurance (?!), and I was almost in disbelief that this hadn’t crossed my mind before, annoyed that others had seemingly ‘got their lives together’ and I didn’t.
“Do I regret not saving money earlier? Yes. But can I do a thing about it now? No. I did not want to own a house then, and now I do, I can have those conversations and educate myself around this.”
To give some context, there are most definitely some variables which are impacting my personal experience and mindset. My mum was pregnant with me at 29 and had me just after she turned 30. I distinctly remember her saying that back in 1991, she was classed as an older Mum – she had been married for 9 years and people expected her to have a child sooner. So, since I was little, 30 always seemed to be the age when I would have a baby. It would obviously happen and that would be it. It was the expectation I had set for myself. Yet, a little like when I was a child and my dad told me that I could have a boyfriend at 16, yet when I turned 16, there wasn’t a ready-made one available… this expectation was unrealistic for me, as my life simply hasn’t led me to it. Life has unfolded in ways I didn’t expect, and this only becomes more apparent with each day, as adult life has a way of throwing surprises and challenges at you. For more context, I lost my dad at 23 and therefore have spent the majority of my 20s riding the ups and downs of grief. Additionally, I, like many, have explored different career routes across the past ten years; moving cities, shifting professions, desperately trying to find a fit, all while navigating love and realising that relationships most-definitely do not emulate the Disney films. And I guess, with the pending 30 approaching, it’s left me thinking about all of this, each different experience of my 20s and wondering if I should have done anything differently.
But do I actually regret the choices I made in my 20s? Obviously, experiencing a huge loss was not welcome and something I could not control, but it also provoked me to work in the charity sector and move to different cities through doing so – two things I would not change and am so glad I did. This, in turn, led me to my current career in Teaching, something which fits my life right now and a move I’m glad I made in my late 20s, even if none of my students know who S Club 7 are and I have an obligation to educate them on ‘throwback’ innocent pop music. Do I regret not saving money earlier? Yes. But can I do a thing about it now? No. I did not want to own a house then, and now I do, I can have those conversations and educate myself around this. Am I in a position to consider having a family right now like my mum? No. I can, however, think about when the right time might be and make plans for my future now, should I be lucky enough to experience this.
So, what else have I come to the resolve of as I approach my birthday? Well, I certainly know that I cannot wear clothes from the ‘Divided’ section of H&M anymore (something which I discovered following a recent order); M&S has become a firm favourite for t-shirts with a little more material. I know that as much as my early 20s were fun, I don’t miss going out-out 3 times a week. I know that music from the early 00s has the capacity to make me happy and have even started drifting over to Radio 2 a little more for the quiet and calmness it brings. I feel grateful to have a stable job and income. I love researching and trying out different skincare products and routines. Buying cleaning products and candles makes me happy - I’m currently eyeing up a Pumpkin Spice candle in Homesense for Autumn obvs. I am also an extremely proud cat mum. And though I may not have everything I anticipated I would at 30, and I’m not exactly welcoming the age change with open arms, I do feel a sense of excitement about what this next decade may bring and hopeful that it’s a good one.
I try to continually tell myself that everyone is in their own lane and that what I do is not de-valued by anyone else; regularly bringing it back to myself - what do I want? What can I control? What may I need to address or change? I have to try and limit my social media time (which I’m not very good at, but it always helps), and do little things which make me happy.”
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You can find Siobhan on Instagram at @siobhanm7 or read her previous piece for TIGC, The Hardest Heartbreak: Notes on Grief.