Tick Box Culture: The Pressure of Expectations & How to Break Free from Them
Learning and believing that the destination is more important than the journey in life …
”Get a good job, make lots of money, move out, be in a happy relationship, buy a house, get a promotion, the list goes on and it’s exhausting. Life is full of expectations and many of us live in a culture where we associate happiness and success with a number of boxes we have to tick. Why and how do we break free from them?
The Comparison Trap
We’ve all been there, “did you hear Rachel just bought a flat”, “well Aysha just got a promotion and a £10k pay rise”. It’s hard not to feel bad when you’re still in your family home, in the room you grew up in, on a salary which hasn’t increased in the last two years. Social comparison can leave us feeling awful but it’s important to remember we haven’t shared the same life as Rachel, Aysha or anyone else for that matter.
It’s very easy to compare your life to someone else’s but the more you focus on their life, the less time you’re changing yours. Instead of getting stuck in comparison mode, show yourself compassion and shift your focus back onto yourself. Reflect on what comparison is trying to teach you. Is there a real desire to buy a house, get a new job or launch a business, does that align to your long-term vision or is it driven from a pang of jealousy? If it does align to your long-term vision then define a new goal, get action-focused and start working towards it. Make sure you truly listen to yourself in this moment as creating a goal for everything isn’t the solution.
The Definition of Success
The world is constantly changing and the traditional, successful career path looks worlds away from that of 20 years ago. However, sometimes it can feel like our parents and society haven’t quite caught on. A career in social media, I don’t think so!
The Multi-Hyphen Method by Emma Gannon talks about creating your own version of success, rather than feeling you have to follow the same traditional path as everyone else. So, what is your version of success? Is it working in a part time job to support your passion project on the side or perhaps working six months of the year and travelling the other six? This is for you to define – not society, not your parents and not a career advisor. Define your version of success and start working towards that. If the pressure of expectations creeps in, come back to your definition of success and focus on one thing you can do this week to bring you closer to this, not the expectations hanging over you.
The Problem with People Pleasing
We all want different things in life, which is great, but that also means different people will want different things for you. Lots of differences! When we are focusing so much on what others expect from us in life, we never truly go after what we want and, in the end, probably don’t end up pleasing anyone.
When the pressure of expectations starts to mount, take a second to quieten the external noise and focus on what your priorities are. If you’re not quite sure what your priorities are, spend some time defining what your values are. Values are what is important to you in life and what drives you. They weave throughout all aspects of your life and are helpful to consider when you are making decisions. Next, create your vision – where do you want to be a year from now, what does your life look like, what are you doing? By understanding your values and the direction you want your life to go in, you can start to set priorities which are driven from what you want, rather than what others expect from you.
Happiness and success aren’t about ticking a series of boxes. This is your life and you get to decide. Take control and start working towards what you want, your version of success and your vision.”
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Thank you so much to the wonderful Elyssa of Elyssa Desai Coaching! To read more from her and learn about her transformational coaching service you can find her via her website or on Instagram at @elyssadesaicoaching.