When Does A Bad Day Become A Bad Job?

Illustration kindly contributed by the incredibly talented Rebecca Gourlay.

Whilst social media so often showcases the promotions, work trips abroad and Friday night drinks, Instagram so often fails to demonstrate the wide range of emotions and frustrations that can come from the huge segment of life that is your career. This one’s for the those battling bad days at work, for those counting down until 5pm, or those looking for a sign to make a change….

“The mediocre days that often follow the horrific ones have kept me in this job for far too long. Finally, on a Sunday night when my brain is fit to burst with tomorrow’s expectations, I find I can cope no longer. I reach for my phone and tell whoever will listen that I’m quitting — ‘Yes I am, yes I am, yes I am, yes I am, YES I AM.”

No-one is stopping me, no-one is asking me to stay. They seem to want, would you believe it, me to be happy?! My parents sound relieved, my sister seems unsurprised and my best friend stops mid phone call to tell her work colleague about her friend who’s going to live her dream!

I’m a teacher. Or at least I will be for the next 8 weeks. I have every intention of handing in my notice within the week. I have fallen out of love with pretty much everything about the job. But I’m still here. Why am I still here? I’m here because I’m too scared not to be.

For me, finally, the penny has dropped and I’ve realised that enough is enough. We’ve all had the urge at work to say ‘screw this’ and throw in the towel but when should we fight that urge and when should we give in to it?

1.    Treat your job as you would a boyfriend.

Are there parts of my job that I still love? Of course, just like there are qualities of ex-boyfriends that I still love. What’s important is accepting when the cons are just too significant to out-weigh the pros and acting on it quickly. If, on a day to day basis, you feel like you are flogging a dead horse you probably are. Trust your gut, it’s usually right!

2. Own your decision.

A few days after the aforementioned phone call I actually did the deed and handed in my notice, leaving the office feeling like the world was my oyster. When I messaged my Mum to tell her, her reaction was less than supportive, having assumed I was just crying wolf previously. Suddenly, I felt like I was back to square one and re-questioned everything. I love my Mum and respect her opinion but she’s not the one who should be making my decisions. Don’t let anyone, ANYONE, stand in the way of your happiness, ultimately only you know what’s right for you.

3. Don’t undervalue the importance of work friendships, or at least healthy work relationships.

At my job I have always felt like an outsider. I eat lunch alone in my classroom, awkwardly eavesdrop as everyone discusses their crazy work nights out and have a constant sensation that my ears are burning. The feeling of walking on eggshells is horrible and you shouldn’t have to endure it day in day out. Don’t be afraid to hold your hands up and say that somewhere just isn’t really your vibe and the people are just not your cup of tea.

4. Close your ears to the ‘I hate my job too’ crowd.

So many people moan about how much they hate their jobs it becomes natural to assume that this is just the way it’s supposed to be. Jobs should not be something we grin and bear so we can reward ourselves with all of the enjoyable things in life. A certain amount of mind-numbing meetings and tedious form filling is an inevitable fact of life. But, if you glean absolutely no enjoyment or job satisfaction from the average working week something’s not right and you should ignore anyone who tells you it is.

5. Future smuture!

I had every intention of buying a house this year and spending a month of my summer holidays jet-setting around India. Turns out I’m probably not going to be able to afford to do either of these things. Is India going to drop off the map? Is every estate-agent in the country going to blacklist me? Of course not. I am so guilty of rushing to get things done and not stopping to think about whether or not I truly want them. Life is a long old slog and there’s no need to race to the finish line because most of the people who have reached it are already looking back and wondering.

6. Give your boss the benefit of the doubt.

It’s easy to think of management as trolls who live under bridges and only emerge to make our lives more difficult but most have your best interests at heart. Speaking to my boss about my situation was the single thing that made me feel better about my decision. He offered me deadline extensions, support from more qualified staff and even suggested taking a few days off work to de-stress. Ultimately, I decided it was still right for me to leave, and I don’t know why I was so surprised by his complete understanding when he is only human like the rest of us. If a screaming match does ensue, well, that only makes your decision to pull the plug easier.

7. Guard your self-esteem like your life depends on it.

A few days ago, one of my best friends was trying to perk me up. “Don’t worry. You’re so good at so many things. You’re so creative and imaginative and you have so many hobbies and experiences to make your CV look great.” Suddenly, I realised that I couldn’t remember the last time that my job had made me feel like I was good at anything! I’d focused so much on just staying afloat that I’d totally forgotten that I actually had the potential to excel.

There are lots of attributes you need to be a teacher which have always eluded me. This means that every day I am being slapped in the face with my ineptitude. Constantly displaying the worst parts of myself has definitely chipped away at sense of self-worth over the years and at times pushed me into a state of depression. Feeling worthless is dangerous and your mental well-being must always remain your number one priority.

For the past few weeks, as I have come to terms with what looks to be a year ahead full of uncertainty, I have experienced a tornado of emotions. But that vulnerability hasn’t been all bad. For every panicky 2am wake-up wondering what on earth I’m going to do with my life there have been equally euphoric moments of pride in myself for making a brave decision and excitement for change. In the words of George Eliot ‘it’s never too late to be who you might have been.’”

Thank you so much to Jo Murch for her honest and inspiring contribution to The Insecure Girl's’ Club. You can find her on Instagram at @JoMurch29 or read more of her writing over on her Medium profile.