“You’re Just Dramatic” And Other Lies About Mental Health

Photograph: Franco Samit

One in four of us will be affected by mental illness at some point in our lives, making it all the more surprising that there are still so many misconceptions surrounding how these illnesses can manifest themselves.

Today’s post sets about unpacking just that, from the ignorant to the ill-informed, we’re reminding you that however and whenever your mental health fluctuates, you’re deserving of self-care and respect, always.

“About two years ago I had my first ‘moment’. I would run off to my bedroom and shut the door, not wanting to see or speak to anyone and, ironically, cry about the fact that I was all alone. I became obsessed with an overwhelming sense that nobody liked me because I was too annoying or too ugly or just not cool enough. I wasted every night away staring at friends’ Instagram stories, wondering why people were hanging out without me. A series of nights like this resulted in a fear of being alone for fear of having ‘having a moment’. I was afraid, I was broken, and I had no idea what was wrong with me. Where did these feelings come from and why was everybody else seemingly fine while I was struggling?

Why was I so obsessed with something that obviously wasn’t true? And why was I completely unable to relate to the things I was oh so convinced of just an hour earlier?

“You’re just dramatic”

“Why are you so sensitive”

“It’s just hormones”

“You’re too emotional”

These are just a few of the things I would tell myself. And that wasn’t all; other people would say these things to me too. I started to believe that, while other people who were struggling had ample reason because they were dealing with mental illness, I was just dramatic and hormonal. Because clearly I wasn’t suffering enough to deserve help, right?

It took me almost two years of struggling before I actually did something about it. Two years of isolating myself because I was scared to let people in, two years of not wanting to leave the house for fear of people judging me, two years of desperately wanting people to approve of me. It took several panic attacks and many of tearful nights. All that before I even started to think, “Maybe something isn’t right here. Maybe this could be a mental illness.”

Mental health can be pretty complicated because we get so used to the sound of our inner dialogue that we struggle to draw the line of what’s okay or not okay. I had this idea in my head that I definitely didn’t have anxiety because I could usually get out of bed without any problems and was generally able to leave the house. There is no ‘suffer-o-metre’ to determine when it’s the right time to talk to a doctor. It can be scary, trust me, I know. But I promise you, the relief of knowing there’s a name for what you feel outweighs every fear you have of making that appointment. I can’t even describe the weight that has been lifted off my shoulders since I’ve known it’s just an illness I can overcome.

Anxiety is invisible. You don’t know anybody’s inner dialogue, you don’t know what’s going through their head when they say they’re in a quiet mood, or when they can’t concentrate on what you’re saying, or when they cancel plans. Try to think twice before you tell someone it’s probably just hormones - Let’s be people who are gentle with each other!

And PLEASE just try to be gentle with yourself. The mind can be a tiring place sometimes, especially when you’re beating yourself up all the time.

It’s alright if you’re tired just because you’ve spent too much time listening to the voices in your head

It’s alright if you know logically that something isn’t true, but you believe it anyway because your thoughts are just so damn loud.

It’s alright if you can’t fathom leaving the house today but you know you’re going to anyway.

It’s also alright for these things to not be alright anymore. It’s alright if you’ve had enough of the battle. It’s alright to fight back.

In fact, it’s more than alright to fight back. Nobody said it has to be this way!

What little steps can you take this week? A call to the doctor? Telling a friend?

Whatever it is;

Girl, you’ve got this.”

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This beautiful and life affirming post has been brought to you by Kaeli Spina, who you can find on Instagram at @kaelispina.