1 in 189: My Experience of Autism as a Woman

“1 in 189 girls are diagnosed with Autism whereas 1 in 42 boys are diagnosed with it. Autism has always been overlooked when it comes to girls. It’s believed that boys aren’t as pressured as girls to hide their imperfections so they act out more and reveal more ‘autistic’ characteristics.

When I say, ‘I’m Autistic’, people immediately get the image of Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory, his impaired social skills add to the laughs in the show and most people think that everyone with autism is like him, but they aren’t.

Asperger’s Syndrome is invisible and most people can’t tell that I have it. Growing up I became so good at hiding my social deficiencies, this meant that my symptoms often went unnoticed. When I was 5, my mum was told that I was on the spectrum but I wasn’t properly diagnosed until I was 15; after over a year of meetings with occupational therapists, speech therapists and more. Whereas my older brother was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism at age 5.

This late diagnosis was a blessing to me. I had always felt like the odd one out but finally I got the answer to the lifelong question. I struggled to maintain friendships, forever falling out with people because they didn’t understand me and I didn’t understand them.

I struggled through school, before my diagnosis I was known as the shy quiet girl by the teachers. I never put a foot out of place and I was terrified of getting in trouble. I used to cry a lot but teachers put that down to puberty whereas now looking back it was because I had a supply teacher or my classroom had been moved. Any change in my routine would throw me into a meltdown. People with Asperger’s do tend to have slower than average intellectual/visual/auditory processing, I had troubles processing what the teacher would say or what they wanted us to do, so they would have to repeat it a few times for me to be able to process it.

“ I have always longed to fit in and feel ‘normal’ but in the end, what is normal?”

I was always seen as the ‘sensitive’ one, I took jokes literally (classic autistic trait) and so when someone said something as a joke, I would end up taking it as an insult. Every autism is different and every person with autism experiences it differently. What one person with autism can do another might not be able to do. This is such a massive misconception as many people believe that all Autisms are the same.

I have known people to think that Autism is just a way of thinking differently, which is correct but being autistic can be incredibly challenging in day to day life. It is a lifelong condition that we have to work around and learn to cope with.

I’m now in my twenties and I have learnt so much about myself and my limitations. Some Autistic people have difficulty processing sensory information and they can have what’s commonly known as a sensory overload. Sensory overloads can affect your behaviour and your life. One example for me is being in a pub with lots of people around me talking, high voices, low voices and people shouting etc. The large amount of different noises is a lot for me to take which means I end up crying or leaving the place. This has happened so many times, I don’t go out clubbing like most girls my age because I can’t take the noise. Even when an emergency vehicle comes past me with its siren on, I have to cover my ears in the street which ends in me getting stared at or shouted at by people who don’t understand.

When I got my diagnosis, my mum was told that I would never be able to maintain a relationship and that I wouldn’t go to university. This was so disheartening for her to hear because every parent wants their child to achieve whatever they can and that anything is possible if you put your mind to it. Thankfully I was blessed with a mum who was so supportive and always believed in me.

Relationships are something I have always struggled with too. I mentioned previously that I had lost friends because I didn’t understand them and they didn’t understand me. The main characteristic is that people with Asperger’s have difficulties with social interaction and non-verbal communication. Social interaction can be rather difficult for me, sometimes I don’t know what to say and I have been known to say the wrong thing at the wrong time which can upset others unintentionally. I have always longed to fit in and feel ‘normal’ but in the end, what is normal?

Through the years I tended to keep myself to myself but I finally made a small group of friends who understand me and support me. Through this group of friends, I met my partner, I never thought I would be able to hold down a long-term relationship but I found someone who understands me and I understand him.

With my diagnosis it became easier for people around me to understand me better. I have always been open about having Asperger’s, I told my teachers when I started sixth form and they gave me the support I needed. When I made it to University (something I was told I would never do), I was overwhelmed with emotion. I am studying something I have always had a huge interest in. I am now going into my second year as a Fashion Communication & Promotion student. My University has been so supportive when it comes to my Asperger’s, allowing me extra time if I need it and my teachers are more than happy to go over something more than once so I understand clearer.

I have learnt a lot about myself and one main thing to remember is, you can do anything if you put your mind to it.”

Thank you so much to Chloe from chloelwrites.wordpress.com for this incredibly honest and raw contribution. For more information about Asperges, the National Autistic Society website has a breadth of accessible and helpful advice for both those diagnosed with autism or those supporting loved ones that are.

Chloe L October 28, 2019Comment