Obsessive Perfectionism at Christmas
The pressure for a ‘perfect’ Christmas and why we need to loosen the reigns now more than ever …
“My family have always (both silently and rather vocally) shunned me for my insane love of Christmas. The look of confusion in their eyes as I gleefully wrestle with my Dad’s suit jackets to collect everyone’s presents from the back of his wardrobe, squealing “Don’t worry! I’ll wrap everyone’s presents!” with all of the joy of Buddy the Elf, has almost become a family Christmas tradition in itself.
Yes, I want to partake in all the festivities; every Christmas film must be watched throughout December (in ascending order from least to most festive), and at some point, I have to buy the Radio Times to circle the shows that my family and I intend on watching on the run up to The Big Day. My Christmas Spotify playlist is suitably pimped up from September onwards, and you better believe that my festive Home Sense candles are lit, making my house smell like gingerbread, from as early as I won’t be publicly humiliated by my siblings.
But, of course, there are only so many days in December. Every year, the month flies by, and instead of having peacefully skipped from Christmas market, to Christmas light switch-on, to the nearest ice rink (mulled wine in hand), I often find myself running between every festive activity I can squeeze into my schedule, tearing my hair out in the process. Even on Christmas Eve, I start panicking about the holidays being over and not having felt the magic, or enjoying every single moment as I should have.
Why is a simple Christmas not enough? Why do we focus on the negatives, look at Christmas Days for unattainable positives, making ourselves miserable, and completely ignore the calm of now?
“My fondest memories of Christmas always have something in common: they are simple, unplanned, and unexpected moments. ”
This year, I’ve even found myself avoiding doing certain Christmas activities out of fear of it not being perfect (plus, you know, not being allowed to due the whole Coronavirus thing). It’s no secret that many people have found themselves worrying about this Christmas being a disappointment. The truth is, there’s already enough pressure to make a regular Christmas ‘perfect’, never-mind the newly added stress of finishing 2020 with a bang.
For all its positives, Instagram has taught us that everyone is having the time of their life all of the time. Even during Christmastime in a pandemic. Realistically, we know that these tiny snapshots of people’s days aren’t accurate representations of their lifestyle as a whole, but when you see square after square of people candidly laughing whilst out picking their Christmas tree, or your friends sipping a Prosecco under blankets in front of Love Actually, you realise that your life doesn’t conform to the idealistic standard that fits into that all-too-perfect grid. Suddenly, your Christmas is not good enough.
Studies have repeatedly shown that perfectionist tendencies can sometimes be tied to certain anxiety disorders such as social anxiety, panic disorder, or OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Research by the mental health charity Mind has found that over a quarter of people feel the pressure to have the “perfect Christmas,” with one in ten people ending up feeling unable to cope.
At a surface level, becoming aware of your perfectionism around Christmas is step one of getting to an authentically relaxing holiday season. Once you start to notice yourself descending into that perfectionist mindset, it becomes (a little) easier to catch yourself before you fall.
I’ve also started to allow myself to make a bit of room for something to go ‘wrong’, whether that’s a family member somehow burning the boiled sprouts, your uncle opening the wrong present, or a card getting lost in the post. Although it might seem a little depressing, if you expect something to happen, it’s less likely to get you down. Trying to find the funny side in these little hiccups is also a lifesaver. Your brother’s eaten everyone’s chocolate coins for your overly-organised and carefully-Tetrised stockings? That makes room for an orange each, which could be a funny, inside gag between you and your family for years to come now!
It’s easy to see Christmas as a time that offers up the ultimate challenge of proving yourself ‘worthy’ to your whole family by making everything perfect. But, my fondest memories of Christmas always have something in common: they are simple, unplanned, and unexpected moments. At the end of 2020 (a year filled with complex and rigorous rules and tiers), I think that these kind of small, mundane moments are exactly what will carry us into 2021 without hope or agenda.”
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To see more from Morgan you can find her on Instagram at @morganhartley or via her website, www.morgan-hartley.com.