I Fell in Love With Myself in 2020 and it Changed My Life More Than Any Partner Could
Forget dreaming about falling in love with someone else, in 2021 strive to fall in love with yourself …
Words: Jess Bacon
“As you set out your intentions for 2021, forget about falling in love with someone else and strive to fall in love with yourself. Last January, my relationship suddenly ended and I moved back home with my Mum. At the time, I was devastated at the time, but in hindsight it was the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
When lockdown hit in March and I lost my two hour commute each day, I decided to invest the time, effort and energy I had put into making someone else happy on myself. I never hesitated to buy a gift for an ex or do something to cheer them up on a bad day, and I began to wonder why I didn’t look out for myself in the same way.
I had never really been ‘happy’ with myself- I was guilty of holding myself to incredibly high expectations in every aspect of my life. I wanted to get the perfect grades, produce perfect work, appear perfect to everyone, and as a result I always fell short and felt worse about myself. Something had to change.
I began following women who inspired me on social media, pitching to write for different magazines on conversations I wanted to be involved in and reinvesting some time in my neglected blog. What started out as simply doing more of what I enjoyed again, gave me a new sense of confidence. I connected with likeminded people online, I wrote more than ever, and gradually as I consistently worked on my blog and social media, I created a new career for myself.
Everything I wanted from my life – to be a writer, blogger and go freelance full-time in creative work has happened. From re-focusing my gaze from another person to myself, I began to see what I was good at, what I could learn more about. For the first time in a long time I leant into everything that I had to offer and everything that brought me joy, rather than compromising it for other people.
Self-love feels like a bit of a cliché at this point, but what the phrase actually means is self-investment. You invest time in things that matter to you, look out for your mental wellbeing and support yourself as you would another person. The belief that you aren’t good enough begins to diminish, as you prove to yourself you’re worthy of good things.
The best thing about self-love is that it’s a skill that anyone can learn and practice and the more you do it, the easier it becomes. I was able to overcome my negative self-talk, body image and relinquish those limiting beliefs. It all sounds a bit too good to be true, right? But you can do it too.
How do you fall in love with yourself?
Post the photos you aren’t happy with
Perfectionism is a cruel mistress and the voice in your head that points out your flaws is no longer welcome in 2021. We’re kicking her out and replacing her with self-acceptance. Have you ever looked back on a photo you hated and thought, ‘Oh, I actually look really nice there, what was I upset about?’ You can train your brain to do that instantly, to actually view each photo, each reflection of yourself with compassion, acceptance and pride.
As I began to post photos of pictures where I didn’t think I looked perfect, the pressure I’d been carrying around with me lifted. All from seeing who I was, as opposed to who I thought I should be.
Curate your social media
Who you follow and engage with on social media should be tailored to you. The accounts you follow should either be relatable, interesting, educational or empowering to you (or all of the above). If you’re following accounts that you don’t connect with, that make you feel worse about yourself, you need to remove them.
Think about it this way, it would be like turning on the TV to a series you absolutely hate and watching it ‘just because it’s on’. You’d change the channel right? Well you have the exact same power on social media, to change your feed and find accounts you love.
Have a creative hobby
Hobbies are underrated as adults, but a creative outlet will bring you so much joy. A solitary hobby such as writing, painting, drawing, knitting or learning an instrument carves out some ‘me time’ in your day. It allows you to do what you love without judgement or goals to hit, it’s something you just do out of sheer love for the action.
By prioritising more time for yourself, you’re practising self-love. Self-love will make you happier than another person can make you, so if you’re looking for someone to love, you’ve already found them. You just need to give them the TLC they need.”
Find me on Instagram at @jesskbacon and my website, Unexpected Adventures at www.jessicakatie.com