Will My Social Anxiety Worsen Again After So Long In Isolation?
The fear of forgetting social life etiquette post pandemic …
“Social anxiety has been a central part of my daily life for as long as I can remember. From delaying doctor appointments to missing parties, to avoiding texting back, the bizarre cycle of thoughts that swirl round my brain and influence my decisions can be a tough one to tackle.
It came to a particular height during secondary school: I was focused solely on getting good grades, wishing the days away so I could finally escape my small town and spread my wings at university. I spent every evening and every weekend tied to my desk in my bedroom revising the nights away. In my final year at sixth form I even spent my break and lunch times in the library staring at my textbooks for an extra twenty minutes.
It was largely an unhappy time, but it was also comfortable. Staying out of the savage social circles that manifested within the school halls was just easier – so I let anxiety gobble up my teenage years.
“It’s disheartening to think that years of self-development can be flushed away in just a few weeks. ”
When I did move to university it took those years to relearn a lot of things: how to be a friend, how to behave at parties, how to get a part-time job. I’ve actively worked really hard to manage my mental illness, and to understand that the butterflies in my stomach will always have a permanent home there, no matter how much progress I make.
As a result, self-isolation has been oddly challenging. Staying inside is what I did for the better half of a decade. It’s my comfort zone: watching endless episodes of Gilmore Girls, reading books, writing articles, doing home yoga practices. It’s easy. It’s safe.
And yet, that’s setting off alarm bells in my brain.
I have spent the past three years actively trying to stay outside of my comfort zone. I have refused to allow myself to fall back into those old habits out of fear that I won’t be able to break free from them again. As cheesy as it sounds, life truly has started outside of my comfort zone, and these past few years have been colourful and warm and exciting as a result- they’ve improved my social skills no end. To now be told by the government that we must avoid as much social interaction as we can; it’s scary. What if I go back to how I was before?
Maybe this is just a prime example of my anxiety in overdrive. But it makes me wonder – is this an opportunity for those that struggle in social situations to thrive in an environment that suits them? Or will it be detrimental to their mental wellbeing in the long run, as they don’t have to combat that very thing that causes them fear on a regular basis?
“We have to understand that life is unpredictable and thus setbacks are inevitable; learning how to bounce back is just part of the journey. ”
Either way, it is disheartening to think that years of self-development can be flushed away in just a few weeks. Of course there’s more potent things at stake during this pandemic, but being in isolation is affecting us all in varying ways, and I think it’s important to recognise that. Although ‘gym bunnies’ are usually my most hated kind of Instagrammer, I really do feel for those that have spent years training in the gym with machines and heavy weights, to now be denied access to any equipment and probably stalling their progress. I’ve seen some influencers getting creative with their workouts, Louise Thompson had her partner lift her like a barbell and there are many at-home workouts advocating for tin cans and water bottles as weight replacements. However, most people seem to be returning to the basics of bodyweight exercises and stretching, which will probably be beneficial in the long term on their form and flexibility, but that initial panic of that lack of progress is a very legitimate feeling.
Both my concerns about my anxiety and ‘gym bunnies’ worries about their training shows that with anything you’re trying to improve, it’s always important to take time to stop, reflect and see how far you’ve come; and isolation is forcing us to do just that. We have to understand that life is unpredictable and thus setbacks are inevitable; learning how to bounce back is just part of the journey.
In my case, I think it’s important for me to remember that I am not a moody teenager anymore. Experiences that I began to believe only existed in films, I have now lived. I’m 21, and those three years I worked so hard during since I left school won’t have gone to waste. While I’m sure that returning to the world of human interaction will be tricky and uncomfortable at first, soon enough the tactics that I’ve developed will come flooding back to me, and I will begin to ease into life again.
It will be the same for all of us. There will be some resistance when normal life resumes – whatever ‘normal’ will look like then, but we’ve just got to lean into that feeling and ride the wave until this pandemic is firmly behind us.”
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If you’d like to read more from Charlotte you can find her via her website at www.inkdries.wordpress.com.