No Hair Don’t Care - We Need To Talk More About Female Hair Loss.
Mental health, identity and confidence in a hair loss journey …
“You walk down a street and there’s adverts for thicker, stronger, shinier hair. You have a bad skin day and pull the bobby pins out, let yourself hide behind a fringe or waves of curls. You turn on the T.V. and Fleabag states “Hair is everything. We wish it wasn’t so we could actually think about something else occasionally. But it is”. Hair is fun to experiment with, it’s a security blanket, for the majority of people it’s a part of who they are. The idea of losing that, for me, was overwhelming.
When I first noticed a patch where my hair seemed to be getting thinner I assumed that cheap box dyes and over-bleaching was taking its toll. I quickly decided to abandon the purple-red hair colour that I had somehow thought suited me for most of high school, instead growing my hair longer and then chopping off the damage in the hope that things would improve. But slowly, it got worse. I spent hours staring at my hairline, at a single little patch that felt wispy and thin and with too much scalp. It was almost worse because it wasn’t quite obvious to everyone else - whenever I brought it up it was dismissed as barely noticeable, but it ate away at my self confidence and self worth. No matter how much I tried to distract myself, the insecurity and anxiety was lodged into my brain.
Photography: Jade Tideswell
Maybe it made it easier that I’d always really loved short haircuts, and I ended up really wanting to shave my head. I’d seen people who looked amazing with it, and I knew it would be impossible to continue spending so much of every day in front of a mirror, obsessively checking how much worse things had got. It took forever to feel comfortable enough to actually do it, and even longer to vaguely acknowledge to people that hair loss was part of the reason why I had (everyone seems to ask ‘why?’ when you shave your head), but it was the best thing I could have done. I immediately felt so much better, like I could breathe again, like I could be in control again. But I also, admittedly, began to feel this need to compensate for what I worried everyone else saw as a “flaw” or “inadequacy”, especially if someone told me they preferred my hair before.
It’s taken a lot of time and a lot of working on how I perceive myself to get to the point where I don’t see my hair as a ‘flaw’ or a shortcoming. Occasionally I see hairstyles that I wish I could try out, or I find myself wanting to do something a little different with my hair for a party, but even when I’ve grown it longer again the insecurity and obsessing just hasn’t been worth it (particularly as it’s now gotten harder to hide) and, surprisingly, I feel so much more like myself with my hair as it is now. I just wish I could tell that younger version of me who felt so painfully inadequate and unlovable that one day she’d feel so much happier with a shaved head, and that (most) people would either like it or just not care.
But whilst I’m much more comfortable with myself and my hair now, I find it frustrating that hair loss isn’t a more normalised issue for girls, despite the fact that it’s actually a pretty common thing (whether it’s stress, damage, autoimmune or something else). If it’s something you’re experiencing, following people and content that makes you feel good about yourself and normalises these issues is a huge help. Work on loving yourself as a whole, rather than just the bits you find most acceptable, and prioritise treating yourself with the same kindness and open-mindedness that you might usually reserve for others. It may have taken me what felt like forever to realise it, but girls can experience losing hair and continue to just be, perhaps a little different, but also just the same as they were before.”
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To read more from Shannon you can find her website at www.shannonwestacott.com or follow her on Instagram at @shannonwestacott.