Age Comparison And The Pressure of Achieving in Your Twenties
Sigh. How am I at a point in my life where logging in to LinkedIn gives me anxiety?
Words: Charlotte Rollin
… The constant sharing of portfolios, new job announcements, ‘just graduated’ posts and e-course completion- meanwhile I was feeling proud of myself for finishing that book I’ve been three quarters of the way through since September last year. And it’s not that I’m not proud of my friends and fellow ‘connections’ on LinkedIn (honestly I bloody hate that website) for all that they’ve conquered. But something in me automatically shudders at the achievements of those the same age or younger than me, as my own successes suddenly seem insignificant and menial in comparison.
There’s something about age that has bothered me for a long time. As birthdays seem to roll around quicker than ever before (can we agree that time actually does go faster in adulthood??) and it seems like only yesterday that I turned 18 (which is in actuality 4 years ago), I can’t help but feel like the saying ‘life’s too short’ is perhaps the most accurate of them all. I used to find it maddening that my parents would reminisce about being 21 “like it was only yesterday”, yet here I am thinking it won’t be long before my thirties (actually 8 years away) and in which case I should be putting more into my Help To Buy ISA (R.I.P) and building up my credit score.
There are countless women that I follow on Instagram- having enjoyed their work, clothes or opinions for some time- only to be taken aback when their birthday’s roll around and I realise they’re younger than me. Why does the success of others at an age that felt so wobbly for me make me so regretful? Why can’t I support and applaud the achievements of others without realising it has no direct impact on my own success?
The emphasis placed on youth as some fleeting time in which you should say ‘yes’ to every opportunity, wear short skirts before you look too ‘old’ or work tirelessly on your career because your future self will thank you for it is a damaging one for me. What about just enjoying each age as its own without the pressure to always be thinking ahead? It really is the weight that’s placed on youth being the only time to enjoy travelling the world/going to clubs/falling in love that makes so many of us feel like we’re coming up short. Yes, life naturally has its ebbs and flows that change as you grow and learn from life’s lessons, but the significance placed on achieving in your youth because it seems more ‘impressive’ is such an unhelpful one.
“Societal constructs like the time in a year or the minutes in a day are not what determines the guidelines for success. The start of a new year is simply a continuation of life both before and after.”
It’s cliche to say that everything happens for a reason, and given the focus on this post has been to debunk popular myths and misrepresentations of youth, perhaps it’s not appropriate. But the message behind this phrase is an accurate one in reminding me that everyone is on their own individual journey. Maybe it would have been more impressive for me to start my own business 5 years ago than it would be when I’m 50. Perhaps people would be more in awe of my achievements if I went backpacking alone in my twenties as opposed to sixties. But what it really boils down to is- why? Why am I so concerned with impressing others? Why do I strive to go above and beyond anyone’s expectations of me to prove I’m deserving of praise? It probably says a lot about my self esteem that I place such emphasis on external validation.
A digital detox, or at least less time online, would likely help. If I were less consumed by the goings on of others then maybe I could be achieving as much as them. But I don’t think it really boils down to my own abilities. I’m here to put in effort for the long haul, and my achievements so far don’t dictate everything I could be in the future. Societal constructs like the time in a year or the minutes in a day are not what determines the guidelines for success. The start of a new year is simply a continuation of life both before and after, and the markers we’ve created for turning a year older or entering a new month can start to bog you down if you’re not careful. Life is one long stretch, and it’s only been broken into teens, twenties, thirties and more because we designed it this way.
So whilst I didn’t made any New Year’s Resolutions for the new decade ahead, it feels like the process of writing this post alone has been cathartic in helping me to understand where I’m slipping up. I know I try my best, and really there’s room for all of us in achieving our goals and beyond. I love seeing other women living their version of their ‘best lives’, and I need to accept that directly comparing the journeys of two people with entirely different circumstances is a toxic one. I once heard Callie Thorpe discuss a quote on her podcast ‘The Confidence Corner’ which has really stuck with me, and it reads: ‘good for you, same for me’. There’s plenty of space to be happy and inspired by the successes of others, whilst also striving for the same happiness and achievements for yourself. And that thought is what I hope to leave you with today. For anyone else living a comparison filled life, I hope today may be the start of a new chapter- a space that you’ve created and not one given to you by society- in which you can challenge the worries that come easily, with a mindset that may at first feel harder, to reach a place of ultimate contentment. Sending hugs.