When Was the Last Time You Embraced the Joy of Being a Beginner?
Spoiler: Being Bad at Something Isn’t a Reason Not to do it.
There’s something very special about picking up something new and getting better at it, slowly but surely…
Words: Emily Park
“In June of 2020, around three months into the UK’s first coronavirus lockdown- that felt like it could simply go on forever- I was scrolling through Instagram looking for the slightest sliver of escapism. As I mindlessly double-tapped photos of acquaintances’ holiday throwbacks, furlough projects, and date nights under house arrest, I came across Oumi Janta, a Berlin-based roller skater whose jam skating videos were going viral.
The video I first found featured Oumi in a bright yellow co-ord, effortlessly dancing outdoors to an earworm-inducing dub mix — on eight wheels, no less. There was a lot going on around her, but it looked like she was in her own little world, and the look on her face seemed to say “this is nothing”.
After seeing the video, I became mildly obsessed with the idea of getting my own skates. I watched countless YouTube videos from other beginners who had decided to document their early forays into skating, would browse skatings shops’ stock in the early hours of the morning, and the number of jam skaters I followed on Instagram grew exponentially.
But there was still something holding me back from investing in my own skates, and I never pulled the trigger.
My boyfriend had other plans for me though, and treated me to a pair for Christmas, which meant I was all out of excuses.
So, in that mind-blending period between Christmas and New Year when time feels like an illusion and my brain only really has the bandwidth for one thought a day, I thought I’d take my new Impalas out for a spin. Naturally, I left our flat under the cover of darkness to avoid embarrassing myself, donned a helmet, knee pads, and wrist protectors, and put on my longest coat to give me as much padding as possible should I fall. Plus, I asked my boyfriend to chaperone me “just to begin with” in case I needed any help.
I clearly wasn’t under the illusion that I’d be rolling like a pro from the very beginning, but I did have my fingers crossed that I’d find my feet pretty quickly. I took dance lessons for 13 years so assumed I’d have some transferable skills that would make the transition from shoes to skates easier. And, whenever I pay an annual Christmastime visit to our local icerink, it takes me about 20 minutes to get the hang of things before I’m skating around without really thinking about it. Am I doing flips? No. But I’ve never fallen over.
So, on that fateful December night, I set out to go skating, feeling nervous but hopeful.
It turned out I was utterly shit at it.
“ I’ve read enough self-help books and listened to enough episodes of ‘How to Fail Podcast with Elizabeth Day’ that you’d think I’d have a stronger resolve. ”
It was a good five minutes before I could even convince myself to move a foot, I felt on edge the whole time, and I couldn’t let go of my boyfriend’s arm for a second. It wasn’t long before I gave up, changed into my Converse, and slunk home, embarrassed and completely deflated.
It was a good few months before I even considered trying my skates on again. My helmet taunted me every day from our coat rack and my knee pads had slowly become little more than loot that my kittens began stealing in the dead of night to hide around our flat for us to find in the morning.
I wasn’t sure why it had hit me so hard that I was bad at skating. Rationally, I know failure isn’t that big of a deal — especially when we’re talking about a hobby that’s simply supposed to be fun. I’ve read enough self-help books and listened to enough episodes of the How to Fail Podcast with Elizabeth Day podcast that you’d think I’d have a stronger resolve. I also run my own business and have always been able to dust myself off really quickly after falling at a hurdle where work is concerned. But this time I had absolutely no desire to get back out there.
Then I realised why I had found the experience so unsettling: until I pulled on those skates for the first time, it had been years since I’d truly felt like a beginner.
I studied journalism at university because I already loved to write and, perhaps mostly importantly, generally got good grades for it. Pretty much all of the hobbies I’ve pursued in adulthood have been related to things I liked to do as a kid and was typically pretty good at, so they were never really a shock to the system. And, suddenly, I was standing there without any real idea of how to do something as simple as moving my feet.
It’s only when I finally decided to fully embrace being a beginner that things changed and I felt better about the idea of trying again. Of course, after seeing that Instagram post from Oumi so many months prior, I’d immediately imagined myself gliding effortlessly across concrete and choreographing routines that I would drill until they were perfect. But, to begin with, I’d just need to be happy with managing to stand up straight because if I didn’t overcome the first, albeit boring and frustrating hurdle, I would never get to where I wanted to be. Maybe I never will, but there’s no chance of succeeding if my skates stay untouched in my wardrobe.
“Once I decided I was okay with skating badly on the off chance I would one day be good, none of that felt so deep anymore.”
As I made peace with the idea of being a terrible skater but persevering anyway, I realised there were actually a lot of activities I’d probably been avoiding because I just couldn’t be bothered with being bad at them. I had avoided the weights section at the gym just in case I did something wrong, I’ve decided against starting new projects in case they don’t take off immediately, and I’ve said no to so many things simply because I was afraid I’d make a fool of myself. But, once I decided I was okay with skating badly on the off chance I would one day be good, none of that felt so deep anymore.
There’s a lot of beauty in being a beginner. You get to experience so many things for the first time, discover new facets of yourself, and will be able to see the clear progress you’re making over time. Most of us are in jobs that have become second nature to us and spend our spare time enjoying the same hobbies we’ve always had, which is certainly a comfortable way to live. But there’s something very special and motivating about picking up something new and getting better at it, slowly but surely.
If you’re anything like me, with an anxious disposition that sometimes makes you feel like embarrassment is the worst thing that can happen to a person, letting go and embracing being a beginner can be a real challenge. But, if you can push through and get over yourself, you’ll be rewarded time and time again, and it’s likely you’ll find your new perspective bleeds into and improve other aspects of your life, too.”
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You can find the brilliant Emily on Instagram at @byemilypark or view subscribe to her newsletter ‘Just Doing My Best’ here!