Why I Want To Live More Like Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail
The comfort and gratitude to be found in living a small life that’s packed with joy …
Words: Kat O’Connor
“Since March 2020, we’ve been given the time and space to do a hell of a lot of soul searching, which has left us wondering if we were living life to the full before everything came to a stand still.
Is my life good enough if I don’t achieve the most miraculous things? Or is it okay to live a normal life, a quiet and simple life, quite like Kathleen Kelly in You’ve Got Mail.
I’ve learned a lot from Nora Ephron’s 1998 movie, starring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. You’ve Got Mail taught me about the beauty of friendship, the power of leaving the person you love, the strength it takes to accept failure, it helped me dream of New York in the fall and bouquets of sharpened pencils. However, the most important lesson was from Kathleen Kelly, bookshop owner and ray of sunshine. She is one of the purest and feistiest protagonists, but her most endearing trait is how content she is with her life. It could be bigger, brighter and bolder, but she accepts what she has and is grateful for all of it.
In an email to Hanks’ character Joe, she says, “I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight, dear void.”
“I look forward to all of the memories we’ve yet to make, the adventures ahead of us, the quiet days we will live and the Sunday mornings filled with friends, Nora Ephron movies and cappuccinos.”
What is wrong with living a small life? You’ve Got Mail was set before the days of Instagram, but the danger of comparison is something that still haunts us to this day, 23 years after the movie was released. Kathleen can’t help but ask why isn’t her life like the ones she reads about. She wonders would it be better or more valuable if she was braver, but is the grass really always greener on the other side? Today, we cannot help but compare our lives to the ones we see on our Instagram feeds. We are filled with doubt when we see people travel around the world, marry their true love and graduate from college. We can’t help but question our own life choices. We ask ourselves are we doing enough? Are we achieving enough? Are our lives full enough? But then we stop and wonder if we ever wanted to travel to Bali or are we just fooled into thinking we should live a certain way because it gets the most likes on Instagram. I used to believe that people who travelled around the world lived the real dream life, but that isn’t the dream I want or believe in. Airports make me anxious, I’ve got the worst sense of direction and live for the comfort of home. Travelling isn’t something that thrills me, but social media has tricked me into thinking that my life isn’t worthy if I’m not hopping on a plane every other month (pre-pandemic, obviously.)
We’ve had to press pause on our lives, but the pandemic has given us time to reflect and to accept that we have so much to be grateful for. We just didn’t realise that until it was all taken from us last March. The pandemic has helped me realise that living a normal life is valuable too, and something we’ve all taken for granted for far too long. Being isolated and stripped of all luxuries showed me that it is the little things that make our lives feel whole, whether that’s sitting in your favourite cafe, visiting your grandmother’s house for tea and cake, or watching a movie on the big screen in the local cinema. It’s the simple pleasures we’ve missed the most. Being hugged after a horrid and overwhelming day at the office, singing along to Kate Nash as you drive through the countryside with your best friend, wandering through the city centre on a chilly spring morning.
There are so many things we miss, but it is important to remember that it is only a temporary feeling. The day will come when it is time for our lives to return to normal. We will appreciate the most mundane things, because they will now mean so much more to us. You will feel overwhelmed with gratitude for the most basic things like drinking a cup of coffee as you wait for the morning train.
Whenever this new chapter is ready, I will do my utmost best to live like Kathleen Kelly and will appreciate everything I have and everything I missed during this haunting chapter of our lives.
I look forward to all of the memories we’ve yet to make, the adventures ahead of us, the quiet days we will live and the Sunday mornings filled with friends, Nora Ephron movies and cappuccinos.
It may be a small life, but after this chapter is over, it’ll be the most valuable one of all.”
To read more of Kat’s work you can visit her website here: scribblesbykat.wordpress.com or find her on Instagram at @readwith.kat