I Wanted My Career To Define Me … And Then I Got Fired

Illustration by the endlessly talked @Maria.Jose.Guzman on Instagram.

In the age of LinkedIn promotion and spotting at least 3 ‘Girl Boss’ or ‘Hustle Harder’ pastel mugs within any homeware store, it’s fair to say our careers have taken centre stage as defining parts our identities. Today’s submission explores the aftermath of such personality transformations, and the value that can be found in detaching our self worth from our work life endeavours …

“In 2018, I had what was the beginning of a quarter life crisis. It was around the same time I discovered a whole host of amazing, inspirational women who were only around five years older than me absolutely killing the game in their respective industries.

I started looking up to these women as idols, and envisioning that my career would turn out similarly to theirs, which in itself isn’t such a bad thing. What sparked the aforementioned crisis is that my career at the time looked like nothing even remotely resembling theirs; I knew where I wanted it to go, but I had no idea how to get there or even get started.

I began putting a lot of pressure on my career being my defining ‘thing’; all of the people that I considered aspirational were this way because of their careers. I didn’t want to look like them, or holiday where they were holidaying, or buy appetite suppressants from them - I wanted their careers. The two things that all of these people had in common was their amazing careers and their networks of other, equally amazing people.

I would spend hours every day thinking about how I could become like them and be known for my career until it consumed my life. I took online courses, I started putting myself out there more and trying to network with people with similar aspirations, and then found a new job that would get me closer to the world I wanted to exist in.

And then, just as everything seemed to be going my way, I got fired.

It threw my five year plan into complete disarray. I couldn’t work there for a few more years while working on my side hustle and making a name for myself. I couldn’t rely on that healthy, steady income to keep me afloat while I pursued a career that I knew would pay pitifully for the first few years. And worst of all, it left a big dent in my ego.

“People who are doing well in life don’t get fired, I thought.”

I knew deep down that I hadn’t been fired because I was bad at my job, because I know that I am, in fact, good at my job. I know that it just wasn’t a good fit for me. But still… I got fired! People who are doing well in life don’t get fired, I thought.

I felt like I was hurtling through space with an unending amount of decisions to make, all of which could make or break me. What if choosing to do one thing over another would mean I’d ruin my chances at the career I thought that I wanted? What if I should give up on that specific dream career path and find a new one? Should I just scrap it all together and become a beet-farming hippie.

I should point out at this point that I am well aware of the poison that the capitalist machine shoves down our throat in making us feel as though an established career is the only thing we should be working towards. I am a big advocate in education sometimes being more important than necessarily having to take action on it, but in this case I had to do something about it. Unfortunately for me as sods law would have it, I got fired during the month that my therapist takes off every year, so I was tasked with de-brainwashing myself alone.

I started by doing some things for pleasure, or just for the sake of it - things that I had been forcing myself to do at break-neck speed in an attempt to keep up with the people that I admired. One of those was reading fiction. I stopped trying to read that book that people were raving about that I found difficult to digest and started reading books that I genuinely just enjoyed. I let myself have days where I did absolutely nothing to further my career, or education, or public profile, where I sat and watched six episodes of Ugly Betty in a row. I stopped being mean to myself.

The thing is, I still want the career I’ve been dreaming of for the last few years. I still want to feel like I’ve made a mark, and that I helped to improve someones day. I still want people to know me for what I’ve achieved. But I now feel no shame in saying that, because I know that it isn’t the end of the world. I know that the career milestones that I reach are important, but not as important as genuine happiness. I know that it’s fine to have goals, but not ones that become all-consuming. And I know that it’s fine to abandon dreams that don’t serve you anymore.

Four months on from having the rug pulled out from under my feet, I’m actually feeling closer to my dream career than ever. That time gave me the distance to realise that that dream actually didn’t look the way I had assumed it looked.

I no longer want to be defined by my career; instead, I want it to serve me. I want to be known for it, but I don’t want it to be the only thing I’m known for. But more than anything, I just don’t want to feel like it dictates my life to that extent ever again.”

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Thank you so much to Ellen from ellencking.com for contributing this piece. You can find her on Instagram @ellencking.